I Found Peace Through Art

I remember how hard I cry every time my anxiety (or whatever you wanna call it) visits me. Some voices keep telling me how loser I was, unworthy of love, and worthless. It's so hard to ignore those voices because they keep chasing me wherever I go.

People would say, "Just do something that will distract you from thinking". Yeah, it's effective, but as long as I'm trying to escape from it, the louder these voices came that slowly beat me up. These voices knew where to attack until I lose all the confidence that I'd built and the love I have for myself.

There was one time I woke up, it keeps telling me that I'm not good at anything. I realize I don't have any talent. I love to learn different things, it's just the fact that I'm not good at any of it. To keep me calm, I repeatedly remind myself "Maybe I haven't discovered it yet".

I start browsing the internet for different hobbies. I made a list of the things that I want to try. Unfortunately, the things that I picked need some materials that I'm not capable to buy except for watercolor painting, calligraphy, and journaling (because my niece gave me art materials she's not using).

It's been five months since I started learning these new hobbies. And I swear, it's very therapeutic. Although my artworks are not that good (yeah, this feeling never leaves me) it makes me appreciate myself more. It's like I'm trying to make my feelings into something visible and tangible. It's amazing! Not my artwork, but the feeling that I have while I'm doing it.

I can say that Art is not just an art. It is something special because it's an extension of my heart. My artwork might not be the best other people could see. The only difference is I see a piece of my heart that is into it and it makes the voices shut and brings me peace.